Long Time Gone

Jeez, not done this for AGES!  It appears I get the motivation to blog only when I'm on company time - back to work today having been off for Christmas for nearly three weeks!  Avoided most work today on the pretence that I'm 'easing myself in'; nothing to do with being inherently lazy.

I've been meaning to resuscitate this blog for too long now, and a good friend of mine was bemoaning its absence - hence I've been inspired to put neurotically picked skin and bitten nails to keyboard.  It's good to be back.

Well, what the heckers has happened in my ongoing battle of Man vs. Booze?  In a nutshell, this "War on Sherry" (TM) is an on-going success for this Government of One.  Despite the odd skirmish and insurrection, the home forces are repelling all attacks with relative ease...

Christmas.  A wonderful period for most.  But for some, not so.  And I take the liberty of saying that those  'some' include a helluva lot of alcoholics.  I expected it to be a breeze, enjoy the Big Day opening presents and making it all about L & M (My Main Girls).  And, yeah, it was a nice family Christmas - M got spoilt rotten and loved every minute of it.  Unfortunately, however, I was taken aback by how difficult it really was (and L, being an intuitive wife, sensed that difficulty and, in turn, felt it was stressful.).  I think matters were compounded by me being particularly knackered and having chosen to stop smoking on that day.  All told, a bad recipe.

The thing is, it’s not that I wanted a drink, more that I wished that I could be able to have a drink.  It was the only time I’ve felt it ‘unfair’ that I’m an alcoholic; unfair that I couldn’t have that ‘day off’.  Particularly on the 'day off' that everyone else gets.  It was a struggle and it was tense - I actually got in bed at 7.30pm simply to cocoon myself away from it (although, it's highly likely that I was in bed by that time on previous Christmas Days also - only those times I was pie-eyed and woe-begone).  Anyway, got through it.

It's now been over 10 weeks of sobriety and in some ways, it feels so much longer.  Sadly, cigarettes have become my surrogate vice and I've failed three times over the festive period to sack them (ridiculously, having only re-started smoking again about 6 weeks ago, after being a non-smoker for nearly a year!).  The problem is, is that I bloody enjoy smoking; and when I've previously quit, I was ready to quit.  I'd had enough.  Right now, I can't say that.  So, I'm trying a cutting-down strategy of 5 a-day.  Good luck with that, says the imaginary sarcastic bastard who is thoroughly disappointed about my successes and wants me to fail at something - just like the good old days, he says!  Well, those 'good' old days were not so good - so the miserable bastard had better 'get with the programme'.  

Speaking of, not been to AA now for at least a month.  Don't particularly miss it, but it'll be good to get back in there on Friday.  In fact, I've decided that the Friday meeting will be my one and only meeting, as I prefer going on my own - AA can get complicated and the-simpler things are, the-better.

So, a whole new year, with a whole bunch of stuff ahead.  And more blogging!  Now I'm back at work, I've got to find something to help me avoid doing my job, haven't I???