Feeling Lucky

Crikey, not 'blogged' for ages!  Had some ups and downs in the past week - I'm not gonna go into them but hopefully things are levelling out again.  Those nearest to me have to put up with some fair old shite, and I'm very lucky to have what I have.

Enjoyed the meeting last night, and a really top fellow alcoholic gave me his number - not with view to being a sponsor right now (the S word wasn't mentioned) but you never know... I like the cut of this guy's jib - it's interesting actually, as he was at the first ever AA meeting I attended and he stood out as someone who I could connect with.  I believe it could make a difference having the ear of a male alcoholic, as the only sounding board I have is Pepsi; and for many reasons, that isn't always a good thing.  

Still not getting 'the Programme' and the 12 Steps (although, I have to admit that I am kinda starting to feel why they have such significance - there's a definite sea-change there); and I really don't feel any desire to scrutinise The Big Book - maybe it's arrogance, but I just feel it's not gonna tell me anything I don't know already.  Away from AA, I'm also going to study the SMART Recovery Programme - this is an online resource and a genuine alternative to AA.  SMART looks at the approach to sobriety in more of a scientific way (rather than 'handing over' your recovery to a Higher Power, you utilise many tools such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to take ownership yourself).  I get the feeling that for a lot of people, AA and SMART are mutually exclusive - I don't see why this has to be the case.  

So, got the work's Christmas Do this afternoon.  Meal is booked for 2.30.  Should be interesting, as I feel no desire to take a drink.  I really am going along without any trepidation - something I wouldn't have thought possible, even a mere 6 weeks ago!  I'm actually looking forward to watching folks around me progress into an alcoholic miasma - however, the novelty will probably wear thin, and as soon as the piss-heads start to annoy me, I'm off!  I should never be blasé about the 'danger' of these events - as they have tripped up so many souls in the past - but I just feel that it's a simple and natural fact that I don't drink.

Oh, and started smoking again.  Yeah, I know - replaced one vice with another! Well, I hate to admit it, but I'm bloody loving it!!!  Not good.