Fly Paper

I mentioned in a previous post about being in the process of transformation (think I've predicted I'll emerge from my chrysalis as an extra-clumsy daddy longlegs... with a beard...).  There's no doubt that this is the case; as my life, my psyche, my everything is (feels) so different without the drink.  Without sounding too bloody pompous and over-intellectualising (or rather, with sounding these things - you decide...), it has been and continues to be a metamorphosis - as in Kafka's book of the same name!  In particular, the way in which Gregor's (main character, newly transformed insect) language becomes unintelligible to everyone around him.  It feels as if very few people would now understand my motivations and thought-processes, as if in an entirely foreign language to them.

I sense this sounds conceited.  There's almost an intimation of superiority about this.  As if I'm setting myself apart from the rest of society, due to some enlightening epiphany that has brought me understanding that others simply cannot grasp.  That's not my intention.  It's just that if I explained this or that emotion, intention, action etc. to a 'normal' person, they would look at me blankly, perplexed and without empathy.

To be honest, this change sometimes frightens me - as if I'm evolving in a direction that I have no control over; with an end product that will not necessarily be what everyone wants.  Yeah, in fact, right now, it scares me a lot...

* You may gather I'm feeling a bit odd today.