My share came down to confessing that I just don't see the point of the Steps or rather the rigidity of them. All I know is that those meetings give me something, and keep me on the right path.
Incidentally. these are the pesky blighters:
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
I believe I have been doing some of these things anyway (obviously, #1; #4 in a kinda way; #9 also in a way; #10 trying to). But you can see how 'religious' the terminology is - which is offputting from the start. I have my own spirituality, but the nature of some of these things just doesn't seem fitting in my life. Anyway, a chap shared in response to me (I've mentioned him before; he has the same first name as me - I'll call him Mr P from now on) - well, Mr P said that it took him 14 months to start to 'do' the steps and get a sponsor, but believes that for long-term sobriety I'll have to do the Steps "just like us poor bastards had to." Well, I'm open-minded (more so than ever before) and, maybe, he's right. We'll just have to wait and see. But Mr P did say that whatever works for me, then all is well and good - i.e. "if it works then work it!"
Another sign that my mindset is changing is that I've started going to the gym - and I don't just go feeling it's a chore - I actually bloody love it! To the point that I now go everyday before work and will also do a bigger sesh on Saturdays. But I tell you what get's me goat about going in the morning. The morning crowd's average age is about 75 and they look at you as if you're intruding on their territory! One old biddy woman was talking about newcomers in an obviously negative light; quite openly in front of me as if I wasn't there - the only reason I didn't say something to the wizened old crone was that I was too knackered and out of breath!
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| Dead yet??? |
You look down at the swimming pool at this time, and it's like septuagenarian soup! I used to go swimming in amongst these cantankerous lot and they used to hate my presence. If you dared choose to swim in one of 'their' lanes they looked at you as it you'd just done a brown baby boy in there! Why do they have to go at that time of day?! They've got all bloody day to get in there but, oh no, "I go for my swim at 7am then I get my paper at 8.12am and then I have a cup of tea at 11.17am..." and so on and bloody so forth! What about people that have to go to work?! We've not got all day. We have to go at that time if we want a swim before work. Cranky old bastards - at least some of them die off from time to time and free up a bit of space...
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