M rumbled me having a smoke out the back last night! Lots of wailing and gnashing of teeth ensued. Jeez, talk about feeling guilty. I'd promised her that I would stop as she get's very worried and emotional over me smoking (down to some heavy indoctrination at school on the evils of tobacco); but I've simply needed to smoke lately.
Although it was unpleasant and sad to see her upset over this, I hate to say it, it was also very funny. Some of the things she said required all the will in the world to stop laughing. As she was lecturing and haranguing me, L was sat on the lap-top also doing her best to stifle torrents of laughter! M was coming out with things like, "How long has this been going on?!!", "You've been doing this behind my back!!!", "You are such an idiot!!!" and the famous, "How could you??!!" L said it was like some kind of flash forward to M having an argument with a scumbag of a boyfriend - and I see what she means (although, of course, M will not be allowed boyfriends until she is at least 30...).
Funniness aside though, it is a tough one. I've said before, I'm not ready to give up yet. I just know an attempt right now would be doomed to failure. But, I feel so darn guilty for puffing away behind my daughter's back (as she so eloquently pointed out!). I should listen to that advert (that I think the Tory scum have pulled anyway, to save money): "You'd do anything for your kids. Why not do this?" I just know I can't do it yet and I feel like such a heel. But I really would do anything for my daughter, and I really ought to do this...
You'll know when I'm trying to quit - these posts will probably get
really really dark...
No comments:
Post a Comment