Here's the O, come back for the K later...

Yup, really do feel like my reset button has been hit and things can just move on again!

Went to the Thursday meeting last night and it was great!

Not enjoyed the last two.  Last week's shares really filled me with gloom and I felt utterly isolated (all of my own doing, of course).  One in particularly hit me hard:  A chap was saying how he'd been sober and in AA for 7 years and one day just decided 'fuck this!'. He relapsed, and lost his way for some time.  I just got this bleak notion that, regardless of what I do, how I feel, this was gonna happen to me!  It's inevitable!  No stopping it.

Maybe this was some sort of reality check; as I'd been feeling invincible and omnipotent - I'd cracked this sobriety thing, no trouble!   I was walking around believing I was brimming with electricity.  Well, they say pride comes before a fall; and this particular share symbolised the beginning of my stumbling.  I went from feeling that my glass was half full, to it being a glass of milk ...and that milk was seriously sour!

Yes! It's true

Anyway, no longer - I'm out of these local woods. Granted, I'm by no means on-top-of-world.  I'm not brilliant.  I'm no longer invincible.  But I'm doing okay - and okay will do for me!

So, back to last night's meeting.  It just had a real sense of positivity about it.  And at one point, I could tell Pepsi wanted to share - it can be a scary experience at the best of times, and as this meeting is so big, it makes it even more nerve-jangling.  Anyway, she jumped in there and what a share!  It was really lovely, and you could tell that people enjoyed it.  Do you know what? I've only known Pepsi for about five weeks, but I actually felt dead dead proud of what she did, what she said, and how she said it.  Not in a patronising or 'ah, bless' kinda way, but just in a genuine sense of 'nice one!'.

These are the kinds of things that make this road to recovery so very worth while.  How often do you get to feel a real sense of pride for someone who weeks earlier you didn't even know?!  How often can you come away from a group of people and just feel so ebullient by the words they say??  I have to admit that I'm not sure that the complete 'programme' is for me; I read and understand what the 12 steps mean, and what they mean to others - but I don't 'get' them.  Nor do I get their point as a means to my end.

But... all I know is that I get something from AA.  Surely, this is enough...???