Reckless / Composure

It's pretty much consensus that there are certain things that alcoholics shouldn't do in the early stages of recovery (as well as get pissed, that is!).  I'll mention two things today - and incidentally, these are two things that I have either done or could very easily do.

Firstly, if you've read an earlier post, you'll see I've been in the pub at lunch (three times now) - granted, no booze passed these lips; but this, apparently, is a very dangerous thing to do in 'early' recovery.  When I told Pepsi, I got chastised with both barrels (what sort of bizarre metaphor is that?!) - she rightly pointed out that, although I think it's perfectly ok, and not a problem for me, I'm actually deluding myself.  All this will serve to do is reinforce old habits, insidiously planting old thoughts and compulsions in my bread-basket; until eventually I'll drink.  As ever, I reckon Pepsi is on the money, so no pubs for me!

Run at it! Shouting!

Secondly, don't make any big decisions or reckless moves in the first year of recovery.  Well, I feel like I'm changing daily - like I'm currently in some kind of chrysalis, metamorphosing into something else entirely (granted, this caterpillar ain't gonna turn out like a beautiful butterfly - perhaps more like a daft daddy longlegs, considering how bloody clumsy I am).  So with this comes a desire to be reckless, to throw caution to the winds, damn the world and damn its eyes, run at randy bulls whilst shouting... erm... and so on...

For example, I want a tattoo (in fact, I want a whole sleeve!) - I'm justifying this as I can use this tattoo as a permanent reminder of my one-day-at-a-time mantra, but I want something that also says who I am (although, I hardly know even that right now).  Again, I am told this is a mistake. But even though I probably know that this is good advice, I'm inclined to just go and damn-well do it anyway!

So, although I've not (yet) done this and other reckless things, the desire is there and it's gonna be one helluva battle if I'm going to contain these urges!  In all fairness, composure has never been my strong suit at all...