Here Fear Here

A bit of an eye-opener happened yesterday.

I was feeling quite giddy and cocky (despite having the remains of a particularly virulent strain of man-flu - it's real, I tell thee!) but this riding-high feeling subsided a little by the afternoon; leaving me not-necessarily melancholy, but definitely under a bit of a cloud.

Well, I was in a bar (yeah, I know, watch that haircut!) and I happened to be getting a glass of wine for someone whilst I was at the bar.  The bottle was already open and probably hadn't been used for a bit; so the girl behind-the-bar poured a small drop into a glass, which she casually tasted to check it was all good.

Now, the things is, I was absolutely convinced she was gonna ask me to try it!  This filled me with a completely unexpected sense of total fear, if not abject terror!  It was a fleeting moment, passed in the blink-of-an-eye, but it hit me profoundly!  It was genuinely the very first time I have been actually fearful of alcohol (apart from in a couple of dreams) and it shocked me.

Since that moment, I've dwelled on it a little.  Can I safely and 100% be sure that I would've declined?  Even if I had, would I have been tempted, even just an iota?  It reminds me of the resulting feeling (don't know if you've had it) where I've been about to step out to cross the road, only just realising at the very last second that a car was speeding past.  What could have been?  What if I had stepped out?  Right at that moment?? I so very nearly did!  SPLAT!!!  I'm brown bread...

I suppose it's a good thing; maybe it shows that the notorious dreaded complacency hasn't turned my head?  That I can go in pubs, but must be vigilant.  I certainly won't be getting alcohol for anyone from now on - why put myself in potential harm's-way...


But, what I do know is that it bloody-well gave me a right kick in the swannickles, that's for sure!